For fucks sakes, last year crawled at a snail’s pace and felt like it would never end but THIS year has been passing by faster than a jolly fat fuck delivers presents. Needless to say we are RUSHING to the finish line here at VictorMoranLive but that doesn’t mean that your favorite too high for this atheist with a tacky decorative sense is gonna leave you in the lurch, right? Exactly but we’re running out of time so let’s get to it.
So, real quick, for those new to the programming, here’s how it works. I, the possibly least person that should be programming your happy sappy holiday seasons, will schedule out 25 Christmas movies, specials and TV show episodes in what I see as a well thought out order intended to light up your season tree packed with so many lights it would overwhelm the blind.
Now, as I said earlier we’ve been rushing to the finish line this whole year so I’m LITERALLY writing this the day before you even get to see it so though the program was thought out well enough with some fun new surprises and some returning faves, this write up may be briefer than normal and RIDDLED with typos and spelling errors. So prepare for the worst and hope for the best ‘cause with no time and very little sleep VictorMoranLive is programming your 25 Days of Christmas.
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
We’re starting our sleigh ride together with this VML X-Mas programming regular because hell, with the economy crashing and product shortages rising, it’s probably as good a time as any for good ole Charlie Brown to remind us what the true meaning of Christmas really is. That’s right, Charlie Brown thinks consumerism is bullshit. Call him a comunist on twitter now before someone beats you to it. Or you can just watch the movie and get into the spirit. I vote for the second option.
Community – S01E12 – Comparative Religion (2010)
Day 2 to Greendale for Community’s first Christmas special. Not only does it preach the importance of religious tolerance across beliefs but it ALSO has Anthony Micheal Hall with a crazy mustache shouting “MY LIFE IS A GYM!” and Donald Glover teaching you how to do the Forest Whitaker eye. Just trust me, it’s a great Thursday watch for the early days of the season.
Christmas Chronicles 2 (2020)
On to Day 3 and boy is this one is a RIDE. Seriously, if you thought the first Christmas Chronicles was a big ole bag of bat shit crazy, you’re gonna get even more out of this one. Kurt Russel is back and Goldie Hawn joins him with a bigger part as Mrs. Claus. A giant Yule Cat, an evil elf, time travel, reindeers fighting wolves or something and one ridiculous saxophone solo makes this movie triple down on the weirdness of the first one and the perfect first friday movie on our program. So get ready to watch an elf rave start jamming to ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’ ‘cause the Christmas insanity is back.
Lethal Weapon (1987)
YES it’s a fucking Christmas movie, welcome to day 4. Listen, it begins and ends with christmas songs, it takes place during christmas, i just said christmas twice describing it, it’s a christmas movie and COME ON, it’s a great one. You got Danny Fucking Glover as the soon to be purpetually on the verge of retirement Roger Murtaugh. A good cop. A family man, you know? ENJOYING CHRISTMAS and he gets partnered up with Mel YEAH THAT ONE Gibson as the young over the top wild card Martin Riggs. The cop that’s seen too much, a damaged man. The kind of guy with a dead wife and a special bullet picked out for when he offs himself. Anyway they become buddies and shit gets wild and THEN Christmas. It’s Saturday. Have yourself a treat. Have some Lethal Weapon.
Almost Christmas (2016)
Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s day 5 and we’re doubling down on Danny. Mr. Glover leads a cast so stacked it rivals Dune’s, yeah, I said it . Come at me. On the female cast alone you have Gabrielle Union and Nicole Ari Parker, Mo’Nique playing the foul mouthed family drunk and KIMBERLY ELISE?!! Guys, Beloved is in this movie, come ON. The male cast is ALSO on point with Glover as grief stricken widower, Romany Malco and Omar Epps with actual air to do their thing and J.B. SMOOVE?!!. Lunatics, J.B. Smoove has AN ARCH in this movie. Can we as a people just give more arches to J.B. Smoove? Just more J.B. like ALL the time please. J.B. … We love you. Anyway, it’s a typical christmas movie with comedy and heart but the cast makes it work and I’m kind of surprised I didn’t find out about this till recently. Do yourself a favor. Don’t sleep on Almost Christmas.
Doctor Who – S07 – The Snowmen (2012)
On Day 6 we go to what I THINK is Victorian England? See I’m American so anything British and old timey is Victorian England to me, ANYWAY I love Doctor Who and you should too and I’ll keep forcing it on you until you do. Come on man it’s Matt Smith… as the 11th Doctor… in what I’m assuming is Victorian England fighting Snowmen. KILLER Snowmen! I’m telling you it works and it’s early days for companion Clara before she was PROPERLY paired against the 12th Doctor, yeah I said it, FIGHT ME but she’s still great here in her second appearance as companion and I KNOW everything I just said sounds like a foreign language but trust me, its fun, it’s Christmas and it’s an enjoyable way to start your week.
South Park – S03E15 – Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics (1999)
Switching gear from wholesome to… NOT wholesome? Day 7 takes us down to South Park Colorado where Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo sits at a roaring fireside to share his favorite Christmas classics. Look, it’s raunchy and inappropriate but I can only go so long without variety and Tuesday seems like a good time for a laugh as you wait for the chance to possibly take some time off of work. Make the laugh a good one. Make it Hitler crying as he sings ‘Oh Christmas Tree’ in german.
I Dream of Jeannie – S02E15 – Jeannie Breaks the Bank (1966)
Day 8 takes us back to the 60’s for some classic I Dream of Jeannie hijinks when Jeannie insists on helping Major Tony Nelson get a boat by dropping 3 million in his Christmas Club account balance. In her defense she tried just manifesting the boat for him and she didn’t want him getting screwed on the loan. I don’t know, I say she was right on this one and this is apparently the ONLY I Dream of Jeannie Christmas episode, which is weird. Anyway, happy jolly Wednesday, watch some Jeannie.
The Brady Bunch – S01E15 – The Voice of Christmas (1969)
Day 9 stays 60’s in this Brady Bunch Christmas episode which I BELIEVE is their only one too? Look I don’t have time to double check that at this point, time’s of the essence and we’re discussing the Brady Bunch. Give me some wiggle room BUT I do believe that other than a special called A Very Brady Christmas which came after the show had ended but this one’s fun too. See Carol is supposed to sing at the church christmas thing BUT… laryngitis strikes! So then Cindy asks a mall Santa to fix her voice he says no problem cuz fuck it, he’s never gonna see her again probably. WIll she get her voice back?!? Watch and see.
Alright, it’s day 10, it’s a Friday, it’s the perfect time for Bill Murray, Charles Dickens and Richard Donner in this program regular that is whimsical but dark, funny but creepy, it’s just a fucking classic. It’s been on the program multiple years in a row but it never gets old. Maybe next year I’ll give it a break but for now we’re almost halfway through the season and I need me my fix Murray. I suggest you do the same and watch this comfort food of a Christmas and enjoy the start of the weekend.
White Reindeer (2013)
For day 11 I thought, lets bring up that dark humor coming with this little indie Christmas movie about this white suburbanite lady in the middle of Virginia whose life gets turned upside down after her husband dies, she finds out he’s been having a secret relationship with a local stripper, theres some coke and sex stuff involved, look, it gets a little crazy but its funny, it’s touching and it’s another one that went under the radar with out me noticing for a w hile. Give it a shot, I’m pretty sure it will surprise you.
Ironman 3 (2013)
Day 12 and it’s Sunday so I thought a little escapism is called for and nothing says Christmas like PAAAAAAANDERIIIIIIINNNNNG so here’s some Marvel comic book movie goodness to help you get through the season without missing out on your MCU quota for the month. Some people hate this one for some reason, I personally don’t have a problem with it. In fact, I enjoy it and it’s the only Maravel entry in the franchise that’s a Christmas movie and that one I can say FOR SURE without googling it. Anyway enjoy your the last day of the weekend with a little mindless superhero fun.
The Jeffersons – S03E12 – The Christmas Wedding (1976)
For day 13 we go to one of the best parts of the 70’s and that’s The Jeffersons. I cannot tell you how much time I spent as a kid watching this show and lucky for us this is the 1st of 5 christmas episodes in total but this starts out christmas right with the wedding of Lionel and Jenny much to the chagrin of George who of course has problems with multiple aspects of the ceremony. It’s classic Jeffersons and it makes for a fun weekday watch and it ends with a wedding… on Christmas. What more could you ask for?
Futurama – S02E04 – Xmas Story (1999)
Day 14 takes us to THE WORLD OF TOMORROW for Fuurama’s 1st Christmas special that explains to fry how the future’s Christmas is headed up by Robot Santa who terrorizes the naughty and most of the nice too. Futurama has some of the best Christmas specials with their crazy world building that always seems both bizarre and oddly possible and Robot Santa’s origin DEFINITELY has that factor working for it. Bring up the protective shields on your house and prepare for the gunfire, Robot Santa is coming for YOU.
Bewitched – S01E15 – A Vision of Sugar Plums (1964)
For day 15 get back to the world of magic for a little Bewitched Christmas fun. The 1st of 3 sporadic Christmas episodes in the series’s 8 season run where Samantha takes an orphan boy to the North Pole to prove there is a Santa Claus. It’s schlocky 60’s Christmas camp but it gives us Elizabeth Montgomery in a classic witches outfit and Dick York being blustered as always and for that I say watch it. Watch it now. Come on, it’s Wednesday, you know you wanna feel the warmth of everyone’s favorite suburbanite witch.
A Muppet Family Christmas (1987)
Day 16 takes us from magic to heart with this delightful Muppet Christmas special full of laughs, songs and just a bunch of warm fuzzies that will make your Thursday just a little bit brighter. This is the 2nd year in a row that this special makes the program but I can’t help it. It’s just so much fun and the puppet work from the Henson company is SO GOOD. Just the sheer amount of Muppet characters that are in this is worth the time and as always with the muppets, they slip the sentimentality in without you even noticing. Do yourself the favor of watching this. I promise you’ll find yourself grinning and singing along and you’ll be happy you are.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)
Moving on to day 17 for the Griswald family’s Christmas vacation. I’m gonna be honest, it’s hard to imagine NOT watching this movie at least ONCE every Christmas season. It’s just so funny and BEYOND quotable. From “Shitter’s full!” to “I don’t KNOW Margo!” there are so many lines that I quote regularly. The cast is perfect, the gags are non stop and they just get crazier and crazier by the end of the movie. They electrocute a cat that is actually introduced into the movie in a gift wrapped box from a senial old lady whose husband burns down the christmas tree while lighting his cigar. It’s just pizza chef kiss levels of traditional to me and it should be for you. What are you waiting for? Watch it now.
Day 18 and that’s right, it took us a second to get there but we doubled down on Gibson too with this over the top tale that finds Mel Gibson as a too old for the game Santa who will have to fend for his life when a spoiled rich kid puts a hit on him after receiving a lump of coal on Christmas day. It’s ridiculous, it’s violent and it’s a pretty good time. Special mention to both Marianne Jean-Baptiste as Ruth and Walton Goggins who I personally think help the movie along the way. It came out last year but I didn’t watch it till a few months back and I thought it would make for a good weekend watch as we creep towards the end of our program.
Tokyo Godfathers (2003)
On to day 19 and off to Tokyo where three homeless people find a newborn in the trash and after much discussion decide it’s their mission to get this baby back home to its parents. Look, this movie was actually suggested to me last year by one of you Lunatics (you know who you are) and boy am I glad I listened because god damn if this isn’t one of the greatest Christmas movies ever made. What is it with the Japanese and making the most relatable Christmas stuff? Seriously, between this and Aggretsuko’s Christmas special, I think it’s safe to say that the war on Christmas is over and the Japanese have won. The animation is gorgeous, the story is beautiful and why are you still reading, go watch Tokyo Godfathers NOW.
Living Single – S01E15 – Living Kringle (1993)
Day 20 takes us to 90’s New York for one of my favorite shows growing up… Living Single. Never heard of it? I guess some of us watched Friends and some of us watched this. For those who didn’t, you missed out so pop your cherry on their 1st of 2 Christmas specials where Synclair, the new to the city country girl tries to get her urbanite cousin Khadija and her group of friends in the holiday spirit to no avail. What can I say, Queen Latifa is great as is the rest of the cast and I personally always had a crush on Max. So give yourself the gift of Living single… you won’t regret it.
Bob’s Burgers – S03E09 – God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins (2012)
Moving down to the wharf on day 21 where the gang at Bob’s Burgers find themselves as hosts to a strange man they found living in their storage unit who claims he is a manikin brought to life and though Bob feels uncomfortable with him at first he begins to change his tune after the manikin man’s Christmas window displays make Bob’s the talk of the town, FINALLY bringing Bob’s the kind of business it needs. I love this show, the characters are funny and the situations they get into are always so insane and doubly so for their Christmas specials. Just trust me, when it comes to Christmas, you wanna spend some time with the Belchers.
Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (2014)
Day 22 and yes, it’s back for a 2nd year in a row. This Lifetime Christmas movie is so good that it makes me actually miss a dead internet famous cat. It’s self aware of its paper thin plot and dumb cash in on aninternet meme and its pitch fucking perfect. Aubrey plaza as the voice of Grumpy is such perfect casting it kills me and after a hectic year, it just felt right to start the last 4 days of the programming with this new favorite in the Moran household. So grab some junky snacks and prepare to be amazed by the fact that you’re actually enjoying a Lifetime movie.
Here we are on day 23 with one of the PERMANENT fixtures in our Christmas programming and it will NEVER not be on this list. I’ve said it many times before but it’s the truth, it doesn’t feel like Christmas to me until I watch this movie and I kind of feel like this is the correct spot for it. The day before Christmas. There’s a chill in the air, anticipations are high, JUST the right time for a bunch of murderous Gremlins who love doing bits to terrorize smalltown American. The Gremlin puppets are awesome, Gizmo is adorable and I’m always amazed at how long that bar scene is. It just KEEPS GOING and it gets funnier and sillier and more ridiculous and it just KEEP GOING. I love it. Go watch Gremlins, it’ll make your heart happy and your Christmas complete.
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
Ahh, we meet again on day 24 in a galaxy far far away on the Wookie planet, Kashyyyk for the glorious celebration of Life Day. What more can I say about this gloriously insane holiday special that I haven’t said already. The musical numbers are random as FUCK, the celebrity guest stars are SO missing the mark and I can’t explain enough how there are NO subtitles when the wookies speak to eachother. It makes you feel like you’re going insane. So get as much weed as you can and smoke way more than you think is necessary ‘cause it’s Christmas eve and in true VML X-Mas tradition, we’re gonna get high as shit and watch The Star Wars Holiday Special.
A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All (2008)
Well we made it. Holy crap, I can’t believe we made it but here we are. Day 25… Christmas day. Which means it’s time for? That’s right, the same thing we always watch on the 25th… A Colbert Christmas. I know, Colbert isn’t shining as bright as he used to but this special captured everything that made him so funny back in the day. Everything is heightened to the most artificial, everyone involved knows EXACTLY what kind of special they’re in and every last one of them delivers. It’s satirical, it’s over the top and it’s the only thing to watch on Christmas day.
So there it is. 25 days of Christmas programming. So what did you think? Do you dig THIS year’s program? Did you prefer a prior year’s program better? Click right here to check out the programs of Christmas past and if you have any suggestions for next year, or just want daily social media reminders for the full 25 days you can follow us on your social media of choice @VictorMoranLive. WE MADE IT IN TIME! ENJOY THE END OF THE YEAR AND…
HAPPY CHRISTMAS LUNATICS!
programmed & wirtten by Victor Moran