2017’s #GreatestBandNamesEver OVER!

01JanJanuary 1, 2018

Happy New Year everybody! Well it’s now officially 2018 which means that 2017’s #GreatestBandNamesEver contest is over and I know you’ve been waiting for the results. Once again, good job everybody. Now let’s get to it.

RESULTS:

(example: Ranking – Tweeter – Band Name – Favorites)

@explicitlyrical – Foreskin Reclamation Front – 7

– Muffin Buffet – 7

– Busy Chewnola & the Mini Jumbones – 7

– That Pink Protuberance – 7

– Kitschy Tchotchkes – 7

@MilesMoranTalks – Okeechobee-Wan Kenobi – 7

@MilesMoranTalks – The Bad Idea Bonanza – 6

– Butt Trumpet – 6

@VictorMoranLive – Putin On The Ritz – 6

– The Actively Tired – 6

– Junkyard Bitch – 6

– Conversations With Your Ex Wife – 6

@explicitlyrical – The Naked Twister Incident of ’06 – 6

– Jagged Toenail – 6

@OldGusMoran – Snoke & The Mindbenders – 6

@VictorMoranLive – Shit Show Shenanigans – 5

– Cuntjunctivitis – 5

– Accidental Face – 5

– Speculative Spectacles – 5

– Baby Krakatoa – 5

@explicitlyrical – Shitty Graffiti – 5

– Gelato Farts – 5

@MilesMoranTalks – Jar Jar and The Jar of Jars – 5

– The Toadstool Trio – 5

@VictorMoranLive – Mutterfugger – 4

– Modern Whorefare – 4

– Hufflepuff Incorporated – 4

– Fishnet Floozy – 4

– Sunset Dickdown – 4

– Box of Knives – 4

– A Plethora of Pinatas – 4

– Munchhausen ‘n Cheese – 4

– Booger Brigade – 4

– Endorian Skies – 4

– Caribbean Jackrabbit – 4

– Crossbow Penpals – 4

– Antisocialbiotic – 4

– Premium Quaid – 4

@SammySweety726 – Driving Caffeine – 4

– Groot’s Boombox – 4

@explicitlyrical – T.M.D.T. – Too Many Dabs Today – 4

– Potato Famine – 4

– Disaster debris haulers – 4

– Shatner’s Chicanery – 4

@Acidsparkle420 – AKA Skeez McQueen – 4

– Alligator Death Roll – 4

@OldGusMoran – Hurricanes Suck & The Tongue Twisters – 4

– Kyloren & The Epic 8 Renbeats – 4

– Victor and the bundt cake – 4

– Grut & The Rootbenders – 4

– WaWa & The Wazoo – 4

– Groucho & The Conspiering Moran’s – 4

@MyXXFLY – Storm Surge – 4

– Catastrophic Khaki Crappers – 4

– Tiny Fruit Conspiracy – 4

@JustinAzpiazu – Bukowski’s scrote – 4

@VictorMoranLive – Fucked For Sure – 3

– Fisting Winston – 3

– Canada Drugs – 3

– The Benchmark Suicides – 3

– Accurate As Fuck – 3

– Schindler’s Fist – 3

– Radioactive Zombie – 3

– Soul Snore – 3

– Definitelt – 3

– Chocolate Tears – 3

– Schrodinger’s Cunt – 3

@GrouchO_cfc_ – The Guttenbergers – 3

– John Hickey & The Crew – 3

– Reactor 6 – 3

@OldGusMoran – Aunt Bee & the Mayberries – 3

– Darth Vader & The Rebellion – 3

– Wilkie& The Handjives – 3

– Peter Penis & The Spiders – 3

– Reylo & The First Orders – 3

– OldGusMoran & the dingolings – 3

– EJV and the Westchester Nerds – 3

– Chico y los perros de Caza – 3

– Una Garulla & The Quail Twins – 3

– Like cloaks The Firs Order – 3

– Miles & The Mio Mio – 3

– ChiChiHuaHuas – 3

– Arby’s we have The Teats – 3

@Acidsparkle420 – A Mortgage For Earl – 3

– Hoes Begat Hoes – 3

@explicitlyrical – Loose and Languid – 3

– The Mentally Deranged Dotards – 3

– Fibonacci Sequins – 3

– Talib Kweli and the Diabolic Nazis – 3

@MilesMoranTalks – The Potty Professionals – 3

@JustinAzpiazu – Toxic Taco – 3

– Wicked Thoughts – 3

– Cadillac farts and whisky nachos – 3

– The Cigarettes – 3

@explicitlyrical – Fuck Yeah, Corn!!! – 2

– Unreasonable Dumbass – 2

– Protestant Protest Ants – 2

@JustinAzpiazu – Bad Hombres – 2

@MyXXFLY – Quandarius Cooch – 2

– Uncanny Valley Face – 2

@dr_octo_stress – Mother Theresa of Kink – 2

@Faulty_TARDIS – Initial Birth – 2

@SammySweety726 – The Sniffle Coughs – 2

@MilesMoranTalks – Poop of the Night – 2

– SpongeBob & The Patty Pals – 2

@VictorMoranLive – Kelly’s Roast Beed – 2

– Breaking Plaid – 2

– Torrential Downpour – 2

– The Feeder Band Band – 2

– Fountains of Wang – 2

– Bullied By Babies – 2

@Acidsparkle420 – Death Is A Black Woman – 2

– Canvas Of Destruction – 2

@GrouchO_cfc_ – Witch Bitch – 2

– Bloody Fools – 2

@OldGusMoran – Kyrie & The Dairrheas – 2

– Zazapu & The Zebras – 2

– Heartthrob & The Lady Killers – 2

– Mud Slide Slim & The Blue Horizons – 2

– HootyTootyFruityORudy – 2

– Tardis & The Late Bloomers – 2

@VictorMoranLive – My Dental Progress – 1

– Sickly Saber – 1

– Core Compression – 1

@Acidsparkle420 – Shrimp Wig – 1

@VictorMoranLive – Ivanka Be In Pictures – 0

– Zombie Rapist – 0

Congratulations to @explicitlyrical & @MilesMoranTalks! Frank came in swinging hard this year and though he had 5 body blows that would take ANY other competitor down, Miles held on till the last second of the year and though I found myself alone at the bottom of the barrel this year I vow that I shall RISE LIKE PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES OF 2017 TO COME BACK VICTORIOUS IN THE NEW YEAR! Or you know, at least tie for first. What has become of me my friend. Now fly toward 2018 my titanium twitter tyrants AND LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!

Bird Road Podcast

27DecDecember 27, 2017

Over the holiday season I was invited on the Bird Road Podcast to talk television with @David_Quinones and @bydavidrosen and it was a fucking blast talking to these guys. Be sure to follow the podcast on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc, @birdroadpodcast.

Listen to the episode now on….

– –

Well, it’s that time of year again!

29NovDecember 10, 2017

Now I’m not really a Christmas guy. I’m not religious and I’m not all together festive but there are movies and Christmas specials that I traditionally always watch this time of year, along with some occasional new editions and random flights of nostalgia that have accumulated over time and that got me thinking. Why not share my holiday programming with all of you.

So what follows is a list of what I feel are 25 Christmas classics in the order and days that you should watch them to have the merriest of Christmases. Some of these may seem odd to you but do yourself a favor and take your hand of the wheel cuz VictorMoranLive is programming your Christmas. God help us… everyone.

Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town (1970)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

We start off our 25 days of programming with this classic stop-go animation origin story of Kris Kringle who grows up to be the man known as Santa Claus. For double the fun, watch this with a child and half way through explain the painstaking process of making something like this to watch their little minds explode as they watch the rest of it in complete and total awe.

It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Yes, nothing says Christmas like watching Jimmy Stewart contemplate killing himself ONLY to be stopped by an angel in training named Clarence who spends the rest of the movie showing him how much worse life would be if he had never been born. Now in real life you’d probably see a happier version of your parents and a strew of mentally healthier exes BUT in the movie does a really good job of selling the sap and in the holiday season, the sap is welcomed. Also look out for a charming scene between Donna Reed and Stewart that I think still plays today.

Batman Returns (1992)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Deformed penguin babies, politics, sexy cat themed BDSM, a plot to kill all the first born in the city and fucking Batman. Now if that doesn’t feel like the perfect Christmas movie then I feel sorry for you. You hear me? I feel SORRY for you. There’s fucking penguins with rocket launchers strapped to their god damn backs! You know what, I’m done selling this to you, either your picking up what I’m throwing down or you’re an idiot. Oh, also, you learn a fun fact about mistletoe that’s easy to remember… because it rhymes. I MEAN COME ON!

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

This heart warming story about a couple that have lost their way and much like It’s A Wonderful Life leads them down a surreal path that inevitably makes them realize the love and strength of their relationship. It’s beautifully shot, scored and ends with one of the most perfect closing lines in the history of cinema. Also its a Kubrick film so you know it’s better than whatever piece of shit Tyler Perry Christmas movie your dumb bitch aunt wants to watch.

Die Hard (1988)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Look, we all know the story of John McClane and how he saved Christmas FROM TERRORISTS and yet we all have that one friend that insists on saying it isn’t a Christmas movie and I’m here to say fuck that guy. Fuck them up the ass with Hans Gruber’s dick. Clearly this so called “friend” of yours is complete and utter twat and you shouldn’t even allow yourself to be associated with a douche-bag of such proportions. You’re too good for that asshole. Now let’s watch a 1980’s coke-head get his fucking head blown off. Ahhh, Christmas.

Trading Places (1983)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Who can argue with a theme as wonderfully festive as wagering against human life? Nobody, that’s who. This movie has everything you want from a Christmas movie. Hookers, wall street, a drunken Santa Claus, horribly outdated 80’s slang AND Jamie Lee Curtis’ boobs. I don’t think there is much more I can say to reiterate the fact that this is classic holiday viewing.

The Ref (1994)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Alright, 7 days in and we hit some controversy. Now I know we all hate Kevin Spacey now and I in no way condone his shit behavior but god damn this is one of my annuals. For years now I’ve been watching Judy Davis as the ultimate bored house wife just fucking KILL IT in this movie. So get passed the bullshit and enjoy this Christmas hostage situation. At the very least you can take pleasure in the fact that Dennis Leary ties up Kevin Spacey and treats him like shit for the majority of the movie, though its possible he’s kinda into that shit. Moving on!

Home Alone (1990)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Ok, it’s Home Alone. Do I really have to talk you into watching Home Alone? What kind of piece of shit is gonna argue that home alone shouldn’t be watched during Christmas? Hell I’m an atheist that doesn’t even celebrate the holiday and even I want AND DO watch Home Alone this time of year. It just ins’t Christmas until I watch Joe Pecsi and Daniel Stern get outsmarted by an unsupervised child using nothing but household items and his wits. I guess I’m just old fashioned that way. Not to mention John Candy’s couple of scenes just make me happy.

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Who doesn’t know this classic tale of a deformed reindeer that is mocked and tormented by everyone around him only to eventually be accepted after Santa realizes, “Hey, I could use a circus freak like you as a headlight.” Sure it’s twisted and has no place in the holiday season but the animation is fantastic and character design is cuter than a unicorn fart. Give it a chance. You know you want to.

S01E10 – Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo (1997)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Where would Christmas be without those adorable boys from South Park Colorado? Nowhere that’s where. Only the Genius minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone could make a sentient piece of shit a mainstay of the holiday and so it has been since this episode aired back in 1997. The story is heartfelt, the songs are catchy and there’s no way you wont be saying “Howdy Ho!’ for days after watching it.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

A murder mystery, a fast talking dame and a detective named Gay Perry. Throw in a little RDJ stammering and you got yourself a Christmas movie so nice they named the damn thing TWICE! Seriously, this is possibly one of the most quotable movies on this list and if you can’t appreciate a holiday Hollywood noir story then what are you doing with your fucking life. I can’t help you. I just cant.

Grumpy Old Men (1993)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Now I don’t know about you but my Christmas season isn’t over until I see old people trying to get laid. Call me a hopeless romantic, I don’t care, it’s just how my heart feels. Not to mention Anne Margret looks WAY to good for her age. I don’t know what baby Nazi blood she was drinking but she can get it. But from who? WATCH THE MOVIE TO FIND OUT!

All I Want For Christmas (1991)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Look, I know what you’re gonna say. “Isn’t this movie kind of just The Parent Trap but without twins and during Christmas?” Uh, yeah. But are you really gonna say no to movie that teaches you diner lingo such as “Marrying the ketchup” and has Leslie Nielsen as SANTA?!? I didn’t think so. Now shut your mouth and strap yourself in cuz your are in for some HORRIBLE 90’s fashion and a substantial acting role by Kevin Nealon. You’re welcome.

Santa Claus The Movie (1985)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

If you haven’t seen Santa Claus the movie… well, I wouldn’t be surprised. Not many people are aware of this Dudley Moore vehicle where he plays an elf that’s trying his hardest to be notices by Santa only to be taken advantage of and tricked into putting ole saint Nick out of business by non other than John FUCKING Lithgow as a slimy 80’s yuppie driven by his greed for the all mighty dollar. Guys, I can’t stress enough how much you NEED to watch this movie. Trust me. You’ll thank me after.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

On day 15 we downshift to this holiday standard for no other reason than the sweet sound of Burl Ives and let’s face it by this day you are ready to punch the next person that wishes you a merry Christmas in the face. So to calm your inner curmudgeon down watch Cindy Lou and the rest of the citizens of Whoville make the Grinch’s heart grow three sizes in the ONLY good version of this Dr. Seuss fairy tale.

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Naturally, once you get over the annoyance and the anger you may find yourself a little depressed and asking yourself, “What’s Christmas all about?” Lucky for you there is a little bald boy that NOBODY likes that finds himself thinking the exact same thing. What can I say, I’m a sucker for this special. I watch it every year but mainly for the sad piano score and dancing tips. Can’t nobody break it down like a limited animated crowd of Peanuts characters.

A Very Murray Christmas (2015)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

After 2 days of old standards we switch over to a NEW standard. Filled with guest stars and phenomenal musical numbers such as “Santa Claus Wants Some Loving” Bill Murray does not disappoint in his Netflix Christmas special. It came out two years ago and it become a fine addition to my annual viewing list. If you haven’t watched this yet, you are in for a treat and if you HAVE watched it then you’re just excited to watch it again. WE LOVE YOU BILL!

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

What’s this? Did Home Alone 2 actually make the program? You’re damn straight it did and for SEVERAL reasons. 1. Pesci and Stern came back , 2. Tim Curry as an added bonus and 3. this movie has the greatest title in the history of cinema and history. Think about it, everything you need to know about the movie is in the title? “Oh, they made a second Home Alone? I wonder what it could be about. OH, apparently this time around he is lost in New York.” Perfect fucking title! John Hughes should be given a postmortem award for it. I’m SO not joking right now.

Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Before you even say it, YES I’m aware that Die Hard 2 is basically Die Hard in an airport and I don’t care. It’s fun, Holly and the douche bag reporter are back and John McClane ejects himself out of an EXPLODING AIRPLANE. If that doesn’t get you jacked to the tits with the Christmas spirit then NOTHING will and I hate to be the one to tell you this but you’re dead inside. All your innards are just black goo. It’s kind of gross. Nothing I’m saying right now has ANYTHING to do with the movie… but it does.

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

So did you ever watch the Bourne Identity movies and think to yourself, “Man, this would be cooler if it were a Christmas movie and Jason Bourne were a woman with Samuel L. Jackson as her sidekick.” ME TOO! Luckily there’s The Long Kiss Goodnight so we get to live that reality. It’s got clever dialogue and a bad ass protagonist MOWING motherfuckers down for the only thing she wants for Christmas… her daughter. Don’t sleep on this movie cuz i promise you’ll regret it.

Gremlins (1984)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Alright, this is my favorite Christmas movie of ALL TIME. Seriously, I LOVE this movie. Christmas is not Christmas for me until I see a Gremlin come out of tree, attack a woman and inevitably get liquefied in a FUCKING BLENDER and THAT’S Christmas. If you’re one of these people that try to to say that this isn’t Christmas movie please DO NOT @ me on ANYTHING cuz you’re stupid and I don’t have time for you. I’m busy watching Gremlins and you’d be happier person if you were watching it too. Just saying.

Scrooged (1988)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

You know how you make an INSTANT Christmas classic? You get a little Charles Dickens, you mix with a lot of Bill Murray, sprinkle in a little Bobcat Goldthwait with some AWESOME practical effects and BAM… you got Scrooged. I really shouldn’t have to say more than that sentence to you but I get the feeling you need more. Fine. What if I say Richard Donner directed it. Are you sold yet? Have you purchased the film already? Yeah? Now starts watching it.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

There is NOTHING that reminds you how horrible the holidays can be like the Griswold family Christmas. Family, neighbors, the elderly AND animals. It’s basically watching a perfect shit storm for an hour and 37 minutes. It almost makes YOUR family not seem so crazy and that’s really all any of us want for Christmas. Also, we have a young Julia Louis-Dreyfus, more than a couple of heartfelt moments and Randy Quaid BACK as Cousin Eddie spouting out lines like, “The shitter’s full!” God damn I love this movie.

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

It’s Christmas Eve, you’ve had a few drinks and a couple pulls off your friend’s pen and you are PRIMED for the unmitigated fiasco that IS the Star Wars Holiday Special. There are few words that can describe it and in fact I think the best way to understand what you’re about to see is to know what George Lucas once said about it, which was, “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would personally track down every copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special and smash it.” So now that you have an idea for what you’re in for lets head down to Kashyyyk and wait for Chewbacca.

A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All (2008)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

CONGRATULATIONS! That’s right, it’s Christmas day and you’ve made it through the good, the bad, the great, the old and NOW it’s time to sit back, relax and enjoy your FINAL bit of programming… A Colbert Christmas. Willy Nelson, John Legend, Elvis Costello, Toby Keith, Feist, John Stewart, a murderous bear, and George Wendt as Santa Claus himself, THIS my friends is TRULY the greatest gift of all.

So that’s it. 25 days of Christmas programming. This is my gift to you and I hope you fuckers appreciate it. Remember that I too will be watching these movies and more than likely live-tweeting as I do, so feel free to follow me @VictorMoranLive and check on any given day to see what my thoughts were.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

Thanksgiving Day SALE!

23NovNovember 23, 2017

It’s the Victor Moran Live Thanksgiving day sale! Wanna buy that special someone that perfect gift to show how much you love them? Well we don’t have any of that shit here but we do have our library of movies and music priced down SIGNIFICANTLY. Hell, with these deals you’ll probably be able to buy several of our items and if that isn’t enough to at least get an old fashioned on the car ride back from your partners mother’s house then I don’t now what is.

Great deals such as these bellow this sentence that you are currently reading right now…

(digital copy)

Normal price: $3.00 – Today: $1.75

(A Pug Amongst Thieves full EP)

Normal price: $4.00 – Today: $2.75

(digital HD copy)

Normal price: $10.00 – Today: $7.00

….and possibly more at the shop!

No, yeah, I mean there’s other stuff and some of it’s even FREE so get your holiday loving, family dodging, waiting on the food to be ready ass down to the shop for this ONE DAY ONLY sale. Let’s face it, it’s better than listening to your aunt Miriam misuse the term “staying woke” or having to argue with your 12 year old prequelist cousin about Jar Jar Binks again BECAUSE I DON’T CARE IF YOU SAY ITS FOR KIDS, HE’S FUCKING STUPID ERNESTO AND MORE THAN A LITTLE RACIST. So click the link below and enjoy Victor Moran Live’s Thanksgiving Day Sale. HAPPY HOLIDAY AND THINGS!

Monday To Monday – Episode #50 – The Series Finale

06NovNovember 6, 2017

Episode #50 of Monday To Monday is up to complete the set! This week: We discuss Christopher Columbus, internet rage, boobs vs tits & couple sleep habits on the final Acceptable Distraction with the Aragon Guerrero Gang, realize it’s the little things as I finally fix my desk, run a bunch of errands, deal with human beings, spend the weekend with @MilesMoranTalks, R Kelly, consent, voodoo, ALL while editing 3 episodes, dealing with faulty internet as I make Garry In Real Life AND bringing a definite conclusion to Monday To Monday. Remember you can follow Garry on twitter @GarryInRealLife, his son Ryan @NotYetNightWing AND AS ALWAYS you can follow me EVERYWHERE on the internet @VictorMoranLive.