Category: Blog

2018’s #GreatestBandNamesEver OVER!

2018’s #GreatestBandNamesEver OVER!

Happy New Year everybody! Well it’s now officially 2019 which means that 2018’s #GreatestBandNamesEver contest is over and I know you’ve been waiting for the results. Once again, good job everybody. Now let’s get to it.

RESULTS:

(example: Ranking – Tweeter – Band Name – Favorites)

 

1st Place:

@VictorMoranLive – Tobor – 10   

 

2nd Place:

@VictorMoranLive – Manga Mimics – 8

@VictorMoranLive – The Death of Stan Lee – 8

 

3rd Place:

@VictorMoranLive – Butt Whisperer – 7

 

4th Place:

@MyXXFLY – My Pussy Fro – 6

@ExplicitLyrical – Sexcelsior! – 6 

 

5th Place:

@ExplicitLyrical – A Fetish for Rubbish – 5

@ExplicitLyrical – Amazon Atom Bombs – 5

@VictorMoranLive – Brokeback Breakdown – 5

@MyXXFLY – Freaky Tongue Bumps – 5

@ExplicitLyrical – Funk Marinade – 5

@VictorMoranLive – Honduran Justice – 5

@VictorMoranLive – Intimate Odor – 5

@OldGusMoran – Marijuana Guanabana – 5

@ExplicitLyrical – My Cousins Kurt and Clint – 5

@MyXXFLY – Paradoxical Popsicle – 5

@ExplicitLyrical – Pingus Majingus – 5

@VictorMoranLive – Power Pole – 5

@ExplicitLyrical – Pretentious Puertorican Pricks – 5

@ExplicitLyrical – Shit-fil-a – 5

@VictorMoranLive – Sushi Rich – 5

 

6th Place:

@ExplicitLyrical – A Crack Whore Named Gertrude – 4

@ExplicitLyrical – Acmetonia – 4

@dr_octo_stress – Angry Black Bassists – 4

@dr_octo_stress – Canadian Fuckboys – 4

@VictorMoranLive – Existential Bread – 4

@VictorMoranLive – False Jedi – 4

@MyXXFLY – Flirts with Crisis – 4

@ExplicitLyrical – GlitterJizz – 4

@OldGusMoran – Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto – 4

@VictorMoranLive – Guatamala Goth – 4

@MyXXFLY – Healthy-Looking Whores – 4

@VictorMoranLive – Hungarian Vegitarian – 4

@MyXXFLY – Intergalactic Brujas – 4

@ExplicitLyrical – Juggalo journalism – 4

@VictorMoranLive – Jesus & Son’s – 4

@OldGusMoran – Kinky Dinky Pinky – 4

@OldGusMoran – Let it out Let it all hang out – 4

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Lewd Dudes – 4

@OldGusMoran – Nordic Freeze – 4

@dr_octo_stress – Suicide by Gluttony – 4

@ExplicitLyrical – Teatro de Boludéz – 4

@VictorMoranLive – Thai Guy – 4

@ExplicitLyrical – Thanos’ anus – 4

@MyXXFLY – The Bomb Cyclone – 4

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – The Moran Collusion Sham – 4

@ExplicitLyrical – The Petulant Masturbators – 4

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – The White Ratchet – 4

@OldGusMoran – Treehouse Trolles – 4

@ExplicitLyrical – Wall-to-Wall Failure – 4

 

 

7th Place:

@dr_octo_stress – A bad drunk and the monkey pirates – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Bag O’Hydrangeas – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Black Phoenix Alchemy – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Bureaucracy & The Bourgeoisie – 3

@OldGusMoran – Cannabis Kanobi – 3

@OldGusMoran – Cosmo’s Factory – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Dingo and the Vajingos – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Dollar Tree Shopping Spree – 3

@MilesMoranTalks – Double whammy – 3

@OldGusMoran – Everest Rising – 3

@OldGusMoran – Extreme Gravity Puncture – 3

@dr_octo_stress – Fetish Avengers – 3

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Ghost Fart – 3

@Acidsparkle420 – Hazelnuts and Musk – 3

@OldGusMoran – Hoochikukoochiku – 3

@dr_octo_stress – Hooker Penguins and the Shiny Pebbles – 3

@OldGusMoran –  HootersShooters – 3

@OldGusMoran – Hostile, Reptile – 3

@OldGusMoran – Hungarian Goulash – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Kitty Titty – 3

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – La Boca Del Lobo – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Latin Putin – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Maximum Range – 3

@OldGusMoran – MilesAshNerfhurders – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Monkey Titty – 3

@OldGusMoran – MorningGirlMeetsSexieSadiesWrath – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Occasional Kubrik – 3

@OldGusMoran – Pacific Steam – 3

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – People Yelling Fire – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Platonic Pissing – 3

@OldGusMoran – Porgies Pig Toontown – 3

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Pork Bait – 3

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Razz Ran Rampant – 3

@OldGusMoran – Ragnanarok & Roll – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Somalian Sommelier – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Satanic Granite – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Sexy Inception – 3

@OldGusMoran – Shelter Skelter – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Sister Wives – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Sloppy Joe & Tater tot – 3

@OldGusMoran – Snap Twats Lickers Feast – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Spray For Pain – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Sprechen Sie Deutsch – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Sterile Mojoless Dudes – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Tampon & Lemon – 3

@VictorMoranLive – Tastefully Formica – 3

@OldGusMoran – Thanos and The Endgame – 3

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – The Baghdad Battery – 3

@OldGusMoran – The Tart Fars – 3

@OldGusMoran – The Thundercats – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Teton Smash – 3

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – The Ancient Chinese Secret – 3

@VictorMoranLive – The Butt Bandit Band – 3

@VictorMoranLive – The Kim Jeong-Hoon Room – 3

@OldGusMoran – The Porgs From Itchycoo Park – 3

@ExplicitLyrical – Too Lewd for YouTube – 3

@OldGusMoran – Torti Morti – 3

@VictorMoranLive – United Pickle – 3

@OldGusMoran – WA WA 7 The WATWOS – 3

@OldGusMoran – Whale Fart Tsunami – 3

@dr_octo_stress – Queerdos – 3

 

8th Place:

@VictorMoranLive – A Bag of Pringles – 2

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Black Sass – 2

@dr_octo_stress – Commando lo mein – 2

@VictorMoranLive – Death by Donut – 2

@OldGusMoran – Dropping Deep – 2

@VictorMoranLive – DTFAF – 2

@dr_octo_stress – East Market Slut – 2

@OldGusMoran – Emerald Dragons – 2

@OldGusMoran – Everlasting Papaya Juice – 2

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Fidel Hell – 2

@dr_octo_stress – Gentle needles – 2

@OldGusMoran – Goo Goo Goo Choo & The Eggman – 2

@ezMoneyguapo – Gorilla Fist – 2

@ExplicitLyrical – Hans’ Henchemen – 2

@VictorMoranLive – Hipster Lumberjack – 2

@OldGusMoran – Hula Angula – 2

@dr_octo_stress – Kiwi Headache – 2

@VictorMoranLive – MacMan-She – 2

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Miyagi 99 – 2

@ExplicitLyrical – Paranormal Chinamen – 2

@VictorMoranLive – Part-time Hero – 2

@ExplicitLyrical – Pizza, Wings & Chucherias – 2

@OldGusMoran – PU55Y – 2

@VictorMoranLive – Porg Apologist – 2

@OldGusMoran – Rudy’s Tutty Frutty’s – 2

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Schlemiel – 2

@MilesMoranTalks – Shoopy poopy groopy – 2

@OldGusMoran – The Crystal Creature – 2

@dr_octo_stress – The corrupted condoms – 2

@dr_octo_stress – the great Star Wars baking show – 2

@OldGusMoran – The Lebronettes – 2

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Tirando Vergazös – 2

@Acidsparkle420 – Tottenham Line Massacre – 2

@VictorMoranLive – Transylvania Fogger – 2

@OldGusMoran – Tricky Licky Dicky – 2

@VictorMoranLive – Unintentional Thirst Trap – 2

@OldGusMoran – Wakanda’s Magic Wand – 2

@ExplicitLyrical – Wham! Boom! Pow! in ya Mouth – 2

@dr_octo_stress – Wookie Youtube – 2

@OldGusMoran – Yin Yan Bing Bang – 2

 

9th Place:

 

@OldGusMoran – Angula Hula – 1

@OldGusMoran – BangoBongoCongo – 1

@OldGusMoran – Occasion, Occasionally – 1

@OldGusMoran – OggioOrologio – 1

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Poke Buds – 1

@OldGusMoran – Pussy Whisperer – 1

 

LAST Place:

@Pongo_Pigmaeus – Colombian Parties – 0

@OldGusMoran – Colonoscopy Screamer – 0

@OldGusMoran – ShelterSkelter – 0

@OldGusMoran – Teeeter and The Monkey Man – 0

@VictorMoranLive – The Best of Chuck Norris – 0

  

Congratulations to MYSELF! LIKE PHOENIX I ROSE FROM THE ASHES OF 2017 AND PROVED VICTORIOUS with 3rd place, a tie with MYSELF at 2nd place and the cherry on top, 1st place!!! I HAVE RETURNED AS THE RIGHTFUL KING OF #GreatestBandNamesEver!!!! Well, atleast for 2018. Who knows what will happen in the next year and who will fight for the throne in BLOOD! So go on and FIGHT in 2019 my battle ready tweeter toads AND LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!

…AND WE’RE BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

…AND WE’RE BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

   Well, it’s that time of year again and I still have a website up and running and NO ONE CAN STOP ME, so you know what that means! Yes, it’s time to let a lovable atheist in search of weed and the true meaning of Christmas program your holiday viewing. What, it worked last year didn’t it? DIDN’T IT?!?

   So for all the new kids, I’ll explain what’s gonna happen next. I don’t do this because I doubt your intelligence but because the internet is a big and scary place and I don’t want you worrying that you’ll be suddenly flooded by a hoard of dicks on your screen. That is NOT what’s gonna happen here… not again. But what IS going to follow is a list of 25 Christmas classics in the order and days that you should watch them to have the merriest of Christmases.

   Now for the good boys and girls coming back for a second year, you may see some returning favorites but there’s plenty of curve balls keeping it fresh for year two SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU get your fireplace screensavers streaming and your Christmas latte spiced cuz VictorMoranLive is programming the next 25 days of your life.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

We start your 25 day journey with a movie SO good that it’s not only one of the best muppet movies but it’s also kind of the best telling of Dickens’ classic tale using Gonzo and Rizzo The Rat as bickering narrators in a brilliant framing device, a KILLER opening tune with a couple more in the chamber and not to mention Michael Caine having what seems to be the greatest time of his life acting his ASS off in scenes across a bunch of FUCKING PUPPETS! What are you even still doing here, go watch The Muppet Christmas Carol or I can’t help you.

 

Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town (1970)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Looks like last year’s opening got bumped to day 2 but that doesn’t mean this classic stop-go animation Santa Claus origin story is inferior by any means. Look is it bat shit crazy as far as mythology goes, sure. Is there a weird pedophile vibe in one of the songs (you’ll know it when you see/hear it) but damn it’s full of heart and there really is nothing like watching the jittery movements in the animation to get you feeling like a child on christmas break, mainlining candy canes and tree shape sugar cookies from your neighbor’s house.

 

It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Yes bumped down one day as well is the mother of all required Christmas watching. What can i say about It’s a Wonderful Life that hasn’t been said before. It’s poetic, it’s sappy and it was actually a gigantic fucking BOMB when it came out. No shit, It’s a Wonderful Life was a box office stinker but through the years and it’s constant Christmas airtime this movie caught a second wind and is now seen as a Christmas classic that also happens to be about a guy that wants to kill himself and it’s actually really good.You try achieving ANY of that, let alone all at once.

 

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Well here it is. The movie that I got the most shit for NOT including in last years programing. Let’s just do it. It’s Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas! That stop-go animated movie that you actually enjoyed but was milked for EVERY cent it was worth by Hot Topic and the Disney corporation to the point that you just got sick of it. Also Tim Burton didn’t actually direct it but his name was on it for some reason BUT the animation is gorgeous and the soundtrack is something special. Leave it to Danny Elfman to find a way to make Christmas sound creepy. I still gotta recommend it.

 

Die Hard (1988)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Now I heard what happened at Comic Con and I know what Bruce Willis said. But I also know what’s in my heart and in my heart I know that Die Hard is fucking Christmas movie. So sit back and watch John McClane save Christmas from professor Snape, a poster boy for the Aryan race, a dime store Urkle and Huey Lewis’ stunt double the only way he knows how… WITH BULLETS! Seriously if this doesn’t scream Christmas to you, you’re just not living your best life.

 

Look Who’s Talking Now (1993)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

So remember when John Travolta and Kirstie Alley thought it would be a great idea to come back for a THIRD Look Who’s Talking movie? Remember it was a Christmas movie? Yes come witness the conclusion of the Look Who’s Talking Trilogy where Mikey & Julie are old enough to ACTUALLY talk and yet the movie still exists. Watch as studio executives clunkily shoehorn Christmas into a dying franchise. “But VictorMoranLive, who IS talking now?” Why it’s the family’s TWO new dogs voiced by Danny DeVito and Diane Keaton. Sure it’s like a desperate attempt to stay relevant as it slowly dies… but it’s also a Christmas movie. Enjoy.

 

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Day 7 is the perfect time for the kind of movie you can show a child that would make them say, “You actually watched this growing up?” and no movie can get that level of judgment like the one and only Ernest Saves Christmas. Nothing says Christmas like a sequel to a movie based on a character from a commercial. OH and it’s Christmas. Imagine if Flow from the Progressive commercials suddenly had a SECOND movie with nearly no budget coming out where she saved christmas and for some reason plays multiple characters. It’s so bad you’ll wonder what the hell they were thinking the whole way through and you’ll laugh the sweetest laughs of all… the laughs of Christmas schmaltz.

 

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Well, you’re 8 days into the Christmas season which means that you’re about ready to watch a man dressed up as Santa Claus straight up MURDERING people. “Did you say murdering people?” You’re goddamn right I said murdering people because in this classic of the heyday of the slasher era gives you all the visions of blood, guts, excessive violence and nudity that every wholesome child has dancing in their heads. I know it seems strong but after 8 days of holiday shopping it’s the perfect flick to help you blow off some steam. You’ll thank me later.

 

Home Alone (1990)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Back for a second year on the list, it’s Home Alone and why? Cuz it’s Home Alone, ok? Cuz Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern being brutally injured by the child equivalent of Rambo. Cuz John Heard and Catherine O’Hara are in this movie for some reason. Cuz John Candy as Gus Polinski, the Polka King of the Midwest, is possibly one of the most earnestly funny characters ever in cinema and he’s in two fucking scenes of the movie. Why am I still trying to convince you to watch Home Alone?!? Just GO watch Home Alone.

 

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Also back for seconds is Rudolph. That story we know and love, done in the stop-go animation of Rankin/Bass. It’s crazy to think that this 1964 TV special is only 47 minutes long and has somehow managed to stay in the pantheon of Christmas regulars for multiple generations and it keeps going. Maybe it’s the animation, maybe it’s just the time of year but the Christmas season just isn’t complete until I see this genetically mutated reindeer guide Santa’s slay. Just sentimental I guess.

 

S01E10 – Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo (1997)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Starting off the next round of 10 is that South Park classic that introduced the world to Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. Full of great songs and the relatable story of a boy that just wants to understand the holidays. Honestly there are few things that can bring a family together like this special. Everyone can laugh at it. I mean, it’s a singing turd with a Christmas hat on. It’s damn near universal that this is just funny… It’s Christmas.

 

Rise of The Guardians (2012)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Popping it’s 25 day cherry at day 12 is a movie so looney in it’s internal lore that it could only come from the mind of Guillermo Del Toro. Watch as Jack Frost gets an origin story so fucking epic that it’s not even fair that this is a kids movie. Marvel at the “childhood lies” branch of the Avengers attempts to recruit him by showing off the expansive worlds of The Sandman, Tooth Fairy, an australian Easter Bunny for some reason and Alec Baldwin as a Russian Santa with ‘Naughty’ and ‘Nice’ tattooed on his forearm, I’m not making any of this shit up, you HAVE to watch this movie.

 

All I Want For Christmas (1991)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Back again, it’s The Christmas Parent Trap? Yeah… yeah it is. But hey, Leslie Nielsen as SANTA, a couple of adorable kids, horrible 90’s fashion and Kevin Nealon playing a Baxter in a Rom-Com disguising as a Christmas movie? So get your hairspray and Kmart jeans ready for the gift of love cuz this crappy Christmas classic is proving to be a favorite amongst any who remember seeing it. Now join the club and watch it! You’ll thank me next year.

 

Santa Claus The Movie (1985)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

This movie may NEVER come off this programming schedule and rightfully so. This pre-CGI epic AND I MEAN EPIC, is loaded to the brim with off the wall mythology and lore that by the way, I’ve never seen before OR AFTER this movie. Mr. and Mrs. Claus freezing to death in the snow, magical elder Elves that grant immortality, it’s got it all. Worst part about this movie is that no one knows about it and when you watch it, it looks good. All the effects work is well done, the sets are huge, money was clearly spent in the making of this movie.So I say do yourself a favor and watch this hidden gem. If only to see John Lithgow sell magic candy to kids that make them fly.

 

How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Back again on day 15 is this Dr. Seuss classic that has now sprung TWO feature film adaptations that have yet to stand the test of time like this one. So accept no substitutes and watch Cindy Lou and the rest of the citizens of Whoville get their beloved Christmas stolen by the Grinch. Sure he gets to save the day at the end but there is something enjoyable about watching all the inventive ways he finds to steal the gifts. Magnets on the stockings is a favorite of mine. Go watch it and have some hot cocoa while you’re at it.

 

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

So you’re 16 days into the Christmas season, you’ve been shopping, you’ve been gift wrapping and you find yourself feeling a little empty about the whole thing. Well do I have a Christmas movie for you! It’s a Charlie Brown Christmas! Watch Charlie Brown, a bald boy in an existential state of ennui that just doesn’t seem to understand Christmas. Prepare to feel as you watch this depressed child’s cries for help go ignored by friends, family and even his own dog as they continue to express how they all find him tedious and annoying. It may not be the Christmas movie we want but it for damn sure is the one we can all relate to.

 

A Very Murray Christmas (2015)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Back with a bullet on day 17 is that possibly new Christmas standard full of music, celebrity cameos, BILL FUCKING MURRAY and beautiful shots of people staring into the middle distance in a contemplative manor. For Christ sakes Sofia Coppola directed this fucking thing, look, I don’t need to know how this bizarre Netflix Christmas special came to be, I just need to enjoy it. I suggest you do the same and as always, look out for “Santa Claus Wants Some Loving” featuring George Clooney. It’s a personal favorite and further proof of its own weirdness.

 

The Night Before (2015)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Alright, I have to admit that I was actually late to the party on this movie. I didn’t actually see it till a year ago and it surprised the shit out of me. Not only is it full of drugs and cursing and drinking and dick jokes but it kinda has a heart to it and is one of the best uses of Michael Shannon in a comedy since Groundhog Day. It was everything I thought it was gonna be but in a GOOD way. Oddly enough all the reasons why I thought I wanted to skip this movie ended up being the stuff that made me love it. So send the kids to bed early and watch this rated R Christmas story.

 

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Sure you watched Seth Rogen do drugs in The Night Before but on day 19 your best bet is to chow down some edibles and hit that vape cuz you’re blasting off into space with this sci-fi Christmas Schlock fest that’s plot involves a Martian elder called Chochum The Ancient One telling his people that they must kidnap Santa Claus to save their children that no longer have a childhood due to Mars’ technological advances in child care. Did you just read that sentence? That’s actually how insane this movie is and that insanity just feels like my kind of Christmas.

 

Jingle All The Way (1996)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Hey, remember when Arnold Schwarzenegger was a bankable family comedy leading man and Sinbad was still riding off that Different World good will? Remember when you didn’t hate Jake Lloyd and it wasn’t problematic to have a scene where a large man punched a little person causing that little person to fly back in the air 10 ft? Then watch as a father searches for a Turbo-Man action figure on Christmas eve for his son. Laugh as hijinks ensues and Arnold befriends Sinbad but first they kinda fight and stuff and Phil Hartman is great in it. WATCH IT!

 

Gremlins (1984)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Alright, time for my favorite Christmas movie of ALL TIME. Look, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Christmas is not Christmas for me until I see a Gremlin come out of tree, attack a woman and inevitably get liquefied in a FUCKING BLENDER. If that isn’t what Christmas means for YOU then I don’t know what to tell you. Actually, I do know what to tell you and that is that I feel SORRY for you. The pain that you must have in your heart this time of year… it must be unbearable. Now put on your big kid pants and go watch Gremlins.

 

Scrooged (1988)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

I know what you guys are thinking, “Didn’t we start this whole thing with a retelling of A Christmas Carol?”.Yes, we did, See this is what is commonly known as double dipping. I don’t know what to tell you, this movie is just so great. Maybe next year it won’t be on the programming lineup but this year do yourself the favor of watching Bill Murray at the height of his powers, playing the 80’s yuppie scumbag version of Scrooge cuz it looks great, the effects are still fun and it’s FUNNY. This close to the big day you’re gonna need a laugh. So have one on Bill.

 

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

This late in the season must have you stressed out with family and Chevy Chase can relate. (Side Note: the phrase Chevy Chase can relate has never been used before) Be it family, neighbors, the elderly OR animals, Clark Griswold does his best to remain a sane human being in the midst of holiday chaos and stress about a certain Christmas bonus he’s been coveting. Plus that moment when Julia Louis Dreyfus asks “Todd” why the carpet is wet and he goes, “I don’t know Margo.” makes me laugh EVERY fucking time. I can’t help it.

 

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Ok, we’ve been here before, it’s Christmas Eve, you’ve been getting high in spurts through the day and you just wanna watch something that’s gonna, I don’t know, BLOW YOUR MIND! Well look no further than The Star Wars Holiday Special. Watch as Chewbacca’s family go about an average day speaking Shyriiwook to each other with no subtitles for TWENTY MINUTES before getting to a human speaking english. Marvel at Jefferson Starship, Boba Fett’s first appearance and elderly Wookie porn. Cringe at alien cooking shows, Carrie Fisher looking higher than a giraffe’s ass and a cantina barkeep musical number that’ll make you long for the 20 minute subtitleless Wookispeak. It’s amazing. Watch it NOW.

 

A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All (2008)

[TRAILER] – [WHERE TO FIND IT]

Now, I know that this was the Christmas day movie last year and if I’m being honest, it’s probably gonna be it next year too because in MY house it has just become tradition to watch A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All. Willie Nelson taking his weed back from the baby Jesus, Toby Keith fights a war on Christmas and John Legend is in DESPERATE need of nutmeg. Not to mention Elvis Costello, Feist, John Stewart, a murderous bear, and George Wendt as Santa Claus himself. So do yourself a favor and give yourself the greatest gift of all and that’s in the title so you know it true.

 

 

 

    Well that’s it. 25 days of Christmas programming. So what did you think? Do you like last year’s schedule better? Have you seen last year’s? Click right here to get it and if you have any suggestions for next year or just like what we’re doing and wanna say, ‘hey’ you can find me on all social media @VictorMoranLive so feel free to follow or subscribe. Look forward to hearing from you about all these movies. Enjoy!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

 

#TheEndOfTheMovie: Analytics

#TheEndOfTheMovie: Analytics

Ok let’s see, what to write that will get the attention of people and get shares and likes and drive traffic to my site? I could talk about being a father. Nah, that doesn’t get as much traction as one would like. I’d have to change father to parent. Fuck I wish I was a woman. Slap the word mother on shit and suddenly everyone gives a fuck what you have to say but that’s not an option unless I was Trans and if I was trans, OH BOY. Could you imagine the amount of traffic? A father turned mother, wait Orange Is The New Black did that shit YEARS ago. It’s probably old now besides I’m not Trans so that would be a major poser thing to do. Ok, so what can I use to drive in the audience? How can I exploit myself to improve my analytics? Ok, we’re brown. High yellow but brown enough to be chucked in the back of a truck in Mississippi. That’s not enough though. My parents are Cuban so in the eyes of most that would make me Cuban though I’ve spent my life being told I’m not Cuban enough by Cubans while simultaneously being told by Americans that I’m too Cuban to be American. So we can’t really use the LatinX thing. Oddly enough the people that have been most compassionate to my “#struggle” is African-Americans and I’m pretty sure it’s cuz they know that at a KKK cross burning we’d be kindle together quick as fuuuuuuuuuuuck and there is nothing that brings people together like knowing you’d both be lynched by the same people. #Respect. But back to the matter at hand, what can I #exploit about myself that is marketable? Let’s see, I already said I’m brown. I’m heterosexual, which let’s face it is NO help these days. Being a straight male is like buying a one way ticket to who gives a fuck what you have to say town.

This is kind of fucked up but it’s a true story so fuck it, I’ll tell it. So when I was in pre-production for the last movie I was trying to make, I met up with this guy who was helping the Coral Gables Art Cinema find local film projects, both short and feature length, for them to give like grants to or whatever. Anyway, the guy read the script and we sat down and had a meeting with him and he kept giving us all these dodgy answers as to why he thought the board he worked for that made the final decisions wouldn’t go for our movie. He kept being very vague and dancing around the subject until he finally said, “Look, honestly? If you were a gay man or a woman they would be all over this but you’re just a straight Cuban man IN MIAMI where there are LOADS of Cubans and you don’t even lean into being Cuban in the script.” Crazy, right? Not, “the script wasn’t solid” or “your production plans look iffy.” Forget that, the production would have had multiple races in front AND behind the camera. None of that mattered and so that brings us back to here. What to exploit. Hrmm. Well, there’s the fat thing but that doesn’t help because you can only be a fat woman on the internet. You know cuz it’s sexualized. No one is fantasizing about a fat man but SOMEONE is masturbating to a picture of a fat woman RIGHT now. No the only time anyone pays attention to a fat man is if he’s dancing, falling or chronicling every step on the journey” to being a not fat guy and that’s just gross. ALL OF THIS is gross actually.

Look, maybe it’s my age talking (which is also a fully exploitable thing: See Dabbing Granny) but I always believed that all that mattered was the quality of your work because, shouldn’t it be? Why do I have to know “what’s your race”, “who you fuck, how you fuck, where you piss, who you praise”, “how you vote”,”what you watch”, “when you eat and how you live” just so I can enjoy your work? Just do good work and none of that other shit matters. You rise above. But that’s what I BELIEVE. The reality is what matters now is having a niche and oddly enough my straight, high yellow, fat, atheist, Hispanic ass is not enough niche to move the needle. In all fairness to the way things work, it doesn’t help that I refuse to lean into any of these things, cuz, ew. The good news is that when I wither away into obscurity, a death I very much I look forward to, I will wither away with the pride of knowing that I never exploited myself for the sake of commerce.

OH WAIT, mental illness! I’m mentally ill, that’s a niche, right? #MentalIllness. Guys, I’ve tried to commit suicide SO MANY times, you have no idea. Seriously, majority of my classes were in portables. I fantasize about killing everyone in line at the market JUST because. Do mentally ill people buy things? I mean, yeah, I buy things and I’m HORRIBLY bipolar. I FOUND MY NICHE GUYS! FUCK ALL THAT PRIDE SHIT I WAS TALKING BEFORE! I CAN FINALLY EXPLOIT MYSELF NOW! WE’RE GONNA BE RICH!!!

 

written by Victor Moran

edited by Danielle Ruiz

Well, it’s that time of year again!

Well, it’s that time of year again!

     Now I’m not really a Christmas guy. I’m not religious and I’m not all together festive but there are movies and Christmas specials that I traditionally always watch this time of year, along with some occasional new editions and random flights of nostalgia that have accumulated over time and that got me thinking. Why not share my holiday programming with all of you.

     So what follows is a list of what I feel are 25 Christmas classics in the order and days that you should watch them to have the merriest of Christmases. Some of these may seem odd to you but do yourself a favor and take your hand of the wheel cuz VictorMoranLive is programming your Christmas. God help us… everyone.

 Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town (1970)

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We start off our 25 days of programming with this classic stop-go animation origin story of Kris Kringle who grows up to be the man known as Santa Claus. For double the fun, watch this with a child and half way through explain the painstaking process of making something like this to watch their little minds explode as they watch the rest of it in complete and total awe.

 

 It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)

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Yes, nothing says Christmas like watching Jimmy Stewart contemplate killing himself ONLY to be stopped by an angel in training named Clarence who spends the rest of the movie showing him how much worse life would be if he had never been born. Now in real life you’d probably see a happier version of your parents and a strew of mentally healthier exes BUT in the movie does a really good job of selling the sap and in the holiday season, the sap is welcomed. Also look out for a charming scene between Donna Reed and Stewart that I think still plays today.

 

 Batman Returns (1992)

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Deformed penguin babies, politics, sexy cat themed BDSM, a plot to kill all the first born in the city and fucking Batman.  Now if that doesn’t feel like the perfect Christmas movie then I feel sorry for you. You hear me? I feel SORRY for you. There’s fucking penguins with rocket launchers strapped to their god damn backs! You know what, I’m done selling this to you, either your picking up what I’m throwing down or you’re an idiot. Oh, also, you learn a fun fact about mistletoe that’s easy to remember… because it rhymes. I MEAN COME ON! 

 

 Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

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This heart warming story about a couple that have lost their way and much like It’s A Wonderful Life leads them down a surreal path that inevitably makes them realize the love and strength of their relationship. It’s beautifully shot, scored and ends with one of the most perfect closing lines in the history of cinema. Also its a Kubrick film so you know it’s better than whatever piece of shit Tyler Perry Christmas movie your dumb bitch aunt wants to watch.

 

 Die Hard (1988)

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Look, we all know the story of John McClane and how he saved Christmas FROM TERRORISTS and yet we all have that one friend that insists on saying it isn’t a Christmas movie and I’m here to say fuck that guy. Fuck them up the ass with Hans Gruber’s dick. Clearly this so called “friend” of yours is complete and utter twat and you shouldn’t even allow yourself to be associated with a douche-bag of such proportions. You’re too good for that asshole. Now let’s watch a 1980’s coke-head get his fucking head blown off. Ahhh, Christmas.

 

 Trading Places (1983)

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Who can argue with a theme as wonderfully festive as wagering against human life? Nobody, that’s who. This movie has everything you want from a Christmas movie. Hookers, wall street, a drunken Santa Claus, horribly outdated 80’s slang AND Jamie Lee Curtis’ boobs. I don’t think there is much more I can say to reiterate the fact that this is classic holiday viewing.

 

 The Ref (1994)

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Alright, 7 days in and we hit some controversy. Now I know we all hate Kevin Spacey now and I in no way condone his shit behavior but god damn this is one of my annuals. For years now I’ve been watching Judy Davis as the ultimate bored house wife just fucking KILL IT in this movie. So get passed the bullshit and enjoy this Christmas hostage situation. At the very least you can take pleasure in the fact that Dennis Leary ties up Kevin Spacey and treats him like shit for the majority of the movie, though its possible he’s kinda into that shit. Moving on!

 

 Home Alone (1990)

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Ok, it’s Home Alone. Do I really have to talk you into watching Home Alone? What kind of piece of shit is gonna argue that home alone shouldn’t be watched during Christmas? Hell I’m an atheist that doesn’t even celebrate the holiday and even I want AND DO watch Home Alone this time of year. It just ins’t Christmas until I watch Joe Pecsi and Daniel Stern get outsmarted by an unsupervised child using nothing but household items and his wits. I guess I’m just old fashioned that way. Not to mention John Candy’s couple of scenes just make me happy.

 

 Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

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Who doesn’t know this classic tale of a deformed reindeer that is mocked and tormented by everyone around him only to eventually be accepted after Santa realizes, “Hey, I could use a circus freak like you as a headlight.” Sure it’s twisted and has no place in the holiday season but the animation is fantastic and  character design is cuter than a unicorn fart. Give it a chance. You know you want to.

 

 S01E10 – Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo (1997)

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Where would Christmas be without those adorable boys from South Park Colorado? Nowhere that’s where. Only the Genius minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone could make a sentient piece of shit a mainstay of the holiday and so it has been since this episode aired back in  1997. The story is heartfelt, the songs are catchy and there’s no way you wont be saying “Howdy Ho!’ for days after watching it.

 

 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

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A murder mystery, a fast talking dame and a detective named Gay Perry. Throw in a little RDJ stammering and you got yourself a Christmas movie so nice they named the damn thing TWICE! Seriously, this is possibly one of the most quotable movies on this list and if you can’t appreciate a holiday Hollywood noir story then what are you doing with your fucking life. I can’t help you. I just cant.

 

 Grumpy Old Men (1993)

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Now I don’t know about you but my Christmas season isn’t over until I see old people trying to get laid. Call me a hopeless romantic, I don’t care, it’s just how my heart feels. Not to mention Anne Margret looks WAY to good for her age. I don’t know what baby Nazi blood she was drinking but she can get it. But from who? WATCH THE MOVIE TO FIND OUT!

 

 All I Want For Christmas (1991)

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Look, I know what you’re gonna say. “Isn’t this movie kind of just The Parent Trap but without twins and during Christmas?” Uh, yeah. But are you really gonna say no to movie that teaches you diner lingo such as “Marrying the ketchup” and has Leslie Nielsen as SANTA?!? I didn’t think so. Now shut your mouth and strap yourself in cuz your are in for some HORRIBLE 90’s fashion and a substantial acting role by Kevin Nealon. You’re welcome.

 

 Santa Claus The Movie (1985)

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If you haven’t seen Santa Claus the movie… well, I wouldn’t be surprised. Not many people are aware of this Dudley Moore vehicle where he plays an elf that’s trying his hardest to be notices by Santa only to be taken advantage of and tricked into putting ole saint Nick out of business by non other than John FUCKING Lithgow as a slimy 80’s yuppie driven by his greed for the all mighty dollar. Guys, I can’t stress enough how much you NEED to watch this movie. Trust me. You’ll thank me after.

 

 How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

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On day 15 we downshift to this holiday standard for no other reason than the sweet sound of Burl Ives and let’s face it by this day you are ready to punch the next person that wishes you a merry Christmas in the face. So to calm your inner curmudgeon down watch Cindy Lou and the rest of the citizens of Whoville make the Grinch’s heart grow three sizes in the ONLY good version of this Dr. Seuss fairy tale.

 

 A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

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Naturally, once you get over the annoyance and the anger you may find yourself a little depressed and asking yourself, “What’s Christmas all about?” Lucky for you there is a little bald boy that NOBODY likes that finds himself thinking the exact same thing. What can I say, I’m a sucker for this special. I watch it every year but mainly for the sad piano score and dancing tips. Can’t nobody break it down like a limited animated crowd of Peanuts characters.

 

 A Very Murray Christmas (2015)

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After 2 days of old standards we switch over to a NEW standard. Filled with guest stars and phenomenal musical numbers such as “Santa Claus Wants Some Loving” Bill Murray does not disappoint in his Netflix Christmas special. It came out two years ago and it become a fine addition to my annual viewing list. If you haven’t watched this yet, you are in for a treat and if you HAVE watched it then you’re just excited to watch it again. WE LOVE YOU BILL!

 

 Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992)

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What’s this? Did Home Alone 2 actually make the program? You’re damn straight it did and for SEVERAL reasons. 1. Pesci and Stern came back , 2. Tim Curry as an added bonus and 3. this movie has the greatest title in the history of cinema and history. Think about it, everything you need to know about the movie is in the title? “Oh, they made a second Home Alone? I wonder what it could be about. OH, apparently this time around he is lost in New York.” Perfect fucking title! John Hughes should be given a postmortem award for it. I’m SO not joking right now.

 

 Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990)

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Before you even say it, YES I’m aware that Die Hard 2 is basically Die Hard in an airport and I don’t care. It’s fun, Holly and the douche bag reporter are back and John McClane ejects himself out of an EXPLODING AIRPLANE. If that doesn’t get you jacked to the tits with the Christmas spirit then NOTHING will and I hate to be the one to tell you this but you’re dead inside. All your innards are just black goo. It’s kind of gross. Nothing I’m saying right now has ANYTHING to do with the movie… but it does.

 

 The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

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So did you ever watch the Bourne Identity movies and think to yourself, “Man, this would be cooler if it were a Christmas movie and Jason Bourne were a woman with Samuel L. Jackson as her sidekick.” ME TOO! Luckily there’s The Long Kiss Goodnight so we get to live that reality. It’s got clever dialogue and a bad ass protagonist MOWING motherfuckers down for the only thing she wants for Christmas… her daughter. Don’t  sleep on this movie cuz i promise you’ll regret it.

 

 Gremlins (1984)

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Alright, this is my favorite Christmas movie of ALL TIME. Seriously, I LOVE this movie. Christmas is not Christmas for me until I see a Gremlin come out of tree, attack a woman and inevitably get liquefied in a FUCKING BLENDER and THAT’S Christmas. If you’re one of these people that try to to say that this isn’t Christmas movie please DO NOT @ me on ANYTHING cuz you’re stupid and I don’t have time for you. I’m busy watching Gremlins and you’d be happier person if you were watching it too. Just saying.

 

 Scrooged (1988)

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You know how you make an INSTANT Christmas classic? You get a little Charles Dickens, you mix with a lot of Bill Murray, sprinkle in a little Bobcat Goldthwait with some AWESOME practical effects and BAM… you got Scrooged. I really shouldn’t have to say more than that sentence to you but I get the feeling you need more. Fine. What if I say Richard Donner directed it. Are you sold yet? Have you purchased the film already? Yeah? Now starts watching it.

 

 National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

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There is NOTHING that reminds you how horrible the holidays can be like the Griswold family Christmas. Family, neighbors, the elderly AND animals. It’s basically watching a perfect shit storm for an hour and 37 minutes. It almost makes YOUR family not seem so crazy and that’s really all any of us want for Christmas. Also, we have a young Julia Louis-Dreyfus, more than a couple of heartfelt moments and Randy Quaid BACK as Cousin Eddie spouting out lines like, “The shitter’s full!” God damn I love this movie.

 

 The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

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It’s Christmas Eve, you’ve had a few drinks and a couple pulls off your friend’s pen and you are PRIMED for the unmitigated fiasco that IS the Star Wars Holiday Special. There are few words that can describe it and in fact I think the best way to understand what you’re about to see is to know what George Lucas once said about it, which was, “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would personally track down every copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special and smash it.” So now that you have an idea for what you’re in for lets head down to Kashyyyk and wait for Chewbacca.

 

 A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All (2008)

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CONGRATULATIONS! That’s right, it’s Christmas day and you’ve made it through the good, the bad, the great, the old and NOW it’s time to sit back, relax and enjoy your FINAL bit of programming… A Colbert Christmas. Willy Nelson, John Legend, Elvis Costello, Toby Keith, Feist, John Stewart, a murderous bear, and George Wendt as Santa Claus himself, THIS my friends is TRULY the greatest gift of all.

 

 

 

     So that’s it. 25 days of Christmas programming. This is my gift to you and I hope you fuckers appreciate it. Remember that I too will be watching these movies and more than likely live-tweeting as I do, so feel free to follow me @VictorMoranLive and check on any given day to see what my thoughts were. 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

 

#TheEndOfTheMovie: The C word

#TheEndOfTheMovie: The C word

We live in truly amazing times. Every day I am in complete and total awe at the evolution of the human race. We have made fantastic social and technologic strides as a species and I welcome our further advancements. I do not long for simpler times. I keep my headphones on when I Uber, I prefer my phone conversation through text, and know to differentiate the frequent activity of my social media presences under a banner user name. I get the point of branding. I say this so you understand that I am by no means one of these first generation millennials that feels the need to separate themselves from that dreaded classification by openly pontificating on the failing state of society visive the internet because of a some ridiculous nostalgic memory of how cool Gen X’ers seemed to us as kids. I tell you this so you know that my gripe (and don’t worry, I’m getting to it) is coming from objective place. The grievance I’m going to speak of is the use of the C word.

Content. Now I know that to you that word just slides out of your mouth like cum dribbling out of a first time blow job giver that doesn’t know that it’s rude to not swallow. To me the mere idea of the word makes me feel as gross as the second half of that last sentence made YOU feel when you read it. Seriously, it makes my skin crawl, but then again I’m the guy that audibly gagged in La La Land when a character said the words “They say I have a knack for world building”. Don’t believe me? Tweet @MyXXfly because she was next to me in the theater and couldn’t help but laugh at my involuntary display of disgust. Look, I’m not saying all of you should have the same visceral reaction to the word Content but you should at least care.

The problem with Content is that there’s no differentiating when it comes to it. It’s this umbrella label for any and EVERYTHING now. Movies and music? That’s Content. Social media posts? That’s Content too. A detailed article by a reputable news organization about a tragic world changing event…… somehow also Content. See, Content is part of the corporate lexicon. A language spoken by business men AND WOMEN whose sole purpose is to quantify objects, people, places, and things into easily predictable summations of monetary gains and that’s fine if it’s your job. Hell, someone has to make sure the lights stay on and the people get paid but now WE’RE all saying it. Listen, when you’re the head of company your brain is preconditioned to see things in dollar and cents I’ll give you a pass but you’re not. You’re an internet information junkie looking to binge watch, listen to, and read all the flashing pretty colors coming off one of your MANY screens like Neo in The Matrix and you NEED to understand that there is difference between all of it. If EVERYTHING is Content then everything is automatically given the same numerical number in the silly little value charts in your mind and NOTHING could be further from the truth. A movie is more important than a vlog. A Facebook post has WAY less value than a news article. A Buzzfeed quiz is… well, anything Buzzfeed does is essentially useless. Now I know that you’ve all been accustomed to think it’s all the same thing so I’ve worked up this nifty little pie chart to help you gauge the pecking order on the totem pole of importance as it were.

Lumping us all together by content is diminishing ALL our value. Someone went to school for six years to be journalist and now he’s on the same level as a blogger. Another guy spent all his life learning the intricacies of music and he’s lumped in by a guy on YouTube with a ukulele that only does covers of Duran Duran songs, it’s fucked in the head! But you know what’s even more fucked? This normalization of the word Content is bleeding into the people ACTUALLY MAKING it. Shit, if you thought I was being hard on you poor bastards just wait till I draw my attention to this piss poor excuse of journalists and artists, AND YES I SAID ARTISTS, that’s what you are. You’re artists, not CREATIVES which is another C word that’s pissing me off while we’re at it. Have we become so complacent with the social standing of the arts and journalism that we’re adopting corporate descriptors to sell something that at its core is an expression of thought and emotion? To describe OURSELVES?!? Are we so broken that we can’t muster up the nerve to call it art? And it’s not like we’re just saying it publicly to shill our work because I have been in rooms filled with nothing but people involved with the arts and they’re saying it amongst THEMSELVES. You hear that thumping? It’s the sound of Fellini and Hunter S. Thompson rolling in their graves and if I had my way I’d let their reanimated zombie bodies out to gnaw on your skulls till the creative bits are all gone because you’re embarrassing. Shame. SHAAAAAME!

I wish I could say sorry for being so aggressive but I’m not; I’m really not. When I was growing up being a journalist was some noble shit. Being an artist was the most punk rock thing you could decide to do. We were rebels and outliers, gypsies and thieves. We were a motley crew of off-kilter counterculture lunatics saying fuck you to the establishment and now we’re just willingly handing over the keys to the nut house to the guards. We’re surrendering our way of life for the sake of views and likes. That’s just sad. And before you call me hypocrite, I’m aware you’re reading this on a site where I advertise and sell my shit, the irony isn’t lost on me but you can click on every link and look through every page and I promise you that you will NEVER read or hear me call anything I make “Content”. I’ll call it a movie, a song, a vlog, an essay, a show… I call it ART because Content is a word used by cowards and con artists and maybe that’s the REAL problem here.

Look, you don’t have to agree with me and if you made it through this little rant of mine you deserve a fucking medal but you should at least LISTEN to what I’m saying because one day you’re gonna be at a party and you’ll hear on person ask another what they do for a living and instead hearing musician, writer, or filmmaker, you’re gonna hear that second person take a breath and say, “Content provider” and THAT is the day you’ll realize that art has died.

But hey, at the end of the day that’s just MY view on the matter and that’s probably not worth much anyone but what I DO know holds some serious value is that I made it through an entire rant called The C Word without ever saying Cunt.

….Well almost.

 

written by Victor Moran

edited by Danielle Ruiz

#TheEndOfTheMovie

#TheEndOfTheMovie

I have spent my entire life wanting to make movies and arguing with those who said I couldn’t. I even made a couple along the way. But recently I found myself engulfed in a situation that made me not wanna make movies anymore. Which is an amazing feat considering my parents couldn’t accomplish that in 30 years and they’re Cuban. Who knew that two years of hapless preproduction and the tectonic shift of an entire industry was all it would take.

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Making movies was always my lighthouse. No matter what horrible things were going on in my life, no matter relationship status or living situation, the desire to make movies was there. It was my rock, my sanity and suddenly five months ago my sanity was gone. After making a feature length film three years before, spending a year writing a new script and another year in preproduction of that script the project was suddenly at an uncomfortable standstill and the only words of solace that I was being told by production was, “This is the way it works.” As time moved on and the project kept getting pushed back and pushed back, I found myself swimming in a stew of “presale distribution” discussions and being swayed towards holding off for hopes of smaller but still “name actors” in particular roles for the sole purpose of getting said distribution and the budget had increased to the point of unrealistic. Especially considering the project was basically meant to be an R rated, super punk-rock, fuck off finger in the air to the romantic comedy genre. That was the spirit it was written in and this business vibe was starting water down the core. So needless to say I inevitably became ok with the project getting pushed back YET AGAIN to the point of being postponed indefinitely.

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Now as all this crap was going on with me, the “movie business” was going off the rails. Every day the industry feeds were mind boggling. Disney was buying everything, every other studio was desperately trying to get in the shared universe game, Warner Brothers even announced that they weren’t going to make any original movies for the next five years before shutting down their independent branch. What’s known as the “middle budget drama” was slowly not being made anymore. The easy way to bitch about this is to say that Hollywood is ruining movies and blah blah blah but as I sat there licking my fresh wounds I realized that it’s not their fault. The “Hollywood machine” is a business, what matters to them is asses in seats and the reality is that the general audience isn’t interested in watching those movies in a theater. More and more people are actually watching small independent movies and thanks to the internet and Netflix they’re easier to find and because of that fact the audience has grown accustom to watching these movies at home. On their iPads, computers and phones, the independent film viewing experience has become this insanely intimate thing to the audience and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

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Now I’m not gonna lie, as someone who grew up wanting to make movies in the DIY Sundance glory days of El Mariachi the realization that the kind of movie that I’m interested in making is not the one that gets a theatrical release anymore kind of killed me a little. I mean this was like watching the end of the movie as I knew it and it wasn’t even a profound mercy killing, it was more a shotgun blast to the face. For Christ sake Martin Scorsese can’t get more than a limited release and that’s the fucking guy that made Goodfellas. If he could barely get The Wolf of Wall Street made (and yes, that actually took years of begging for money and is now in a scandal over where the money actually came from) what were the odds that good ole Mr. Hollywood was gonna answer the phone for me. So why bother to try and make movies at all? I know this sounds grim but I promise it ends happy and it’s about to get there, I swear.

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After looking at all the data and taking my latest “filmmaking experience” into account, I decided that I didn’t want any part of it. I still wanted to create but I didn’t want to play a game where I kill myself making a small personal movie to then be offered to make Jurassic World or Black Panther. I know that sounds like an insane jump but that’s literally what’s happening to writers and directors at festivals now. So I decided that I would make a site. It would be my way to reject the system while simultaneously welcoming an audience and by being my own distributor I could make whatever I want without it being corrupted by the worry of trying to sell it before it’s even made. The “way it works” wouldn’t apply to me anymore and why stop at movies? Why not a comic strip? I could make a TV show and do live events. Books, music, I could just rant like a lunatic and post it up. Kind of like I’m doing now.

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When all was said and done, the end of the movie (as I knew it) killed a very specific childhood dream of mine but it gave birth to a much greater reality where I can speak directly to you, the audience, without any interference and promise that my blood, sweat and tears will be in everything on this site. That commerce will only come into play LONG after creation and if all this sounds like your particular cup of tea then you will be met here with open arms……

…Welcome to VictorMoranLive.com.