So here we are. Did you think we’d make it? Could you imagine that the year that took down Chuck E. Cheese and Quibi would leave ANY survivors? Well, try as it may, 2020 hasn’t been able to shut us down, leaving your favorite gun toting, weed smoking, atheist ghost of christmas present with some time on his hands in December, so you know… we’re doing this again.
Just in case you’re new here, let me explain how this works. Hell, I’ll explain it for the folks returning. Let’s be honest, last December feels like a hundred years ago so a refresher course may do us all some good, no? Yes? Maybe? Yeeaaaah. SO, what we usually do here is program 25 Christmas movies, specials and TV show episodes in the ideal order, sure to make your yuletide a log. Don’t think about it too much.
Now, if you ARE unfortunate enough to be tormented by memories of the before times SOME of these picks may seem familiar. Though we have MORE than enough new faces in the line up to keep the nutmeg fresh for you Lunatics there are a fair share of returning favorites but that is by design. A little chicken soup for the butthole if you will, the comfy blanket spread evenly throughout like random little junkie fixes of holiday tradition. So roll up your sleeve and get to slapping till that vein starts showing cuz VictorMoranLive is programming your 25 Days of Christmas… whether you want me to or not.
The Boondocks – S01E09 – A Huey Freeman Christmas (2005)
We’re starting day 1 with some big Huey Freeman energy with The Boondocks’ tale about one boy’s expression of the holiday season. See, when Huey’s teacher Mr. Uberwitz (an irresponsible white person) gives him complete creative control IN WRITING, the school’s annual Christmas play becomes a star studded affair. As production of The Adventures of Black Jesus hits the ground running, Jazmine becomes disillusioned when the mall is left Santaless due to Riley’s calculated attacks as “The Santa Stalker”. So don’t cut Quincy Jones’ music budget and follow your elder in the Harambee salute ‘cause it’s Tuesday night and we’re out here in the boondocks.
Aggretsuko: We Wish You A Metal Christmas (2018)
From the suburbs to the city on day 2 where we find Retsuko in the most relatable Christmas EVER. This is this title’s second year in a row on the program but I just HAD to. It’s mix of mundane humour, death metal and existential crisis makes this Aggretsuko Christmas special the PERFECT Wednesday watch for the 2020 holiday season. It’s characters are accessible, it’s animation style is disarming and by the end you will find yourself insanely invested in it’s story. Come for the blushing red panda and stay for the feels, it’s time to put some metal in your holiday cheer.
The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974)
Day 3 keeps the animation train going with Rankin/Bass stop-motion special about the year that Santa got SICK and he had to CANCEL Christmas. Imagine that. Crazy. Seriously though this is actually the movie that shows that even the big bearded bastard, try saying that three times fast, can be a passive aggressive little bitch sometimes. In it’s defense the songs are less problematic than Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town and by this point the Rankin/Bass animation team had the process down so the scale feels big while retaining that classic christmas special crappy animation we’ve grown to love. So look around your house for some shit to gift to Santa ‘cause milk and cookies ain’t getting his fat ass out of bed THIS year.
Four Christmases (2008)
So, remember when academy award winning actress Reese Witherspoon and indie movie darling Vince Vaughn decided to make a christmas movie where Iron Man director Jon Favreau plays an MMA fighter and Jon Voight plays a man that DIDN’T call liberals the minions of Satan on the internet? No? Well it’s friday and you got the time, so get ready to remember this ridiculous Christmas comedy that pretends to be about family and relationships but is more about pratfalls and projectile vomiting babies. Just light up a joint and turn off your brain ‘cause it’s our first friday of the season and we deserve a good laugh at some stupid shit.
And just like that day 5 gives you your first fix of VictorMoranLive Christmas tradition and why not? It’s Saturday night and you have the time to indulge yourself with a little Charles Dickens meets Bill Murray slathered in 80’s aesthetic with a small role for the lead singer of The New York Dolls. Every year this movie makes its way to the list and those who’ve seen it understand why. Honestly I’ve come to terms with the reality that the season just isn’t complete until I’ve watched it. So pour yourself a scotch and watch out for the crazy bitch with the toaster, for tonight…. We get Scrooged.
Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (2014)
Day 6 is all about being grumpy. Let’s face it, you either HAD to work or HAVE to go back to work tomorrow so I say lean into the dark side and use as your avatar the late, the GREAT… Grumpy Cat. Yes, no one got the feeling of meh across better than Grumpy herself and it is that very skill that makes this and I can’t believe I’m actually saying this…. a GOOD Lifetime movie. Yo, trust me, no one is more surprised than I am but this thing is self aware enough to make the cheesy Lifetime movie tropes work in its favor, NOT TO MENTION that Grumpy is voiced by equally irreplaceable Aubrey Plaza. With a ridiculous premise and enough fourth wall breaks to make Deadpool jealous, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever is silly enough to not feel like an insult to your brain when you see Grumpy manning a paintball gun. What are you waiting for? ::meow::
Bob’s Burgers – S04E08 – Christmas in the Car (2013)
On to Monday where we have a tiny delicious bite of TV Christmas episode goodness and THIS one is served on a bun. Get it? ‘Cause it’s Bob’s Burgers? I know, I hate me too. After Linda’s insistence on getting their tree on November 1st the Belcher family ends up treeless on Christmas eve but when a trip to the Christmas tree lot leads to a traffic altercation with a candy cane shaped 18 wheeler the Belchers will find themselves fleeing for their lives in the family car. Enjoy your dutch babies and stay on hold for the american classic that is “Jingle In The Jungle” ‘cause it is WORTH it.
The Smurfs’ Christmas Special (1982)
Yeah… you read that right. The Smurfs. We’re GOING there son. So it’s day 8 and those adorable Smurfs are just fucking HYPE about Christmas. Needless to say Gargamel’s fake vilain ass is annoyed by the very idea of the smurfs enjoying the holiday and as usual, he plots an evil scheme to fuck up their Christmas. But when Gargamel gets help from some REAL villainous motherfuckers he ends up caught up in a kidnapping plot and well, you’ll see what happens after that. No spoilers here. So la la la-la-la la and sing a happy song, it’s The Smurf Christmas Special!
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
Day 9 brings you the ultimate Wednesday vibe with your second fix of VictorMoranLive tradition and this one is a whole mood. Few Christmas specials nail the loneliness of the holidays like this staple. We all know the plot. Charlie Brown wants to understand the meaning of christmas. EVERYONE gives him shit about it. Charlie brown fakes it for the sake of not being ragged on an everyones happy. Nothing says hide your sadness like A Charlie Brown Christmas and I say that in the most positive way possible. Look, this one is for the weirdo kids, if you’ve never related to Charlie Brown then I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, snoopy is in it. So there’s that. Now get the music playing and your shoulders rising ‘cause that’s how people dance in the Peanuts universe!
Deck The Halls (2006)
Onward to day 10 where we find Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick playing neighbors in this tale of Christmas envy gone awry. Filled with insane stunts, explosions and physical gags more cartoonish than most of the animated titles on our list. This is the kind of classic Hollywood Christmas movie that makes you realize that white people in the suburbs go WAY too hard with the holiday decorations. The story is thin at best but DeVito and Broderick bring enough to it to give you a couple of chuckles on a Thursday night. So grab the box of lights and find the ladder ‘cause it’s time to Deck The Halls!
Friday After Next (2002)
Well, it’s day 11. It’s Friday. Judging by the economy you ain’t got no job and seeing as there’s a pandemic going on, you ain’t got shit to do. So what better movie to watch than the final chapter in the Friday trilogy that is a Christmas movie for some reason? Look, I remember when this thing came out I was like, “Dude, what happened to Friday?” but as the years have gone on I’ve really started to love the fact that it’s a christmas movie. Not to mention Katt Williams as the littlest pimp and the return of the one and only John Witherspoon. Hey, it may not be great but it’s at the very least good. How good you ask? So good that it’ll make you slap your momma!
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)
Day 12 hits you with your third hit of Christmas tradition from the VictorMoranLive vault. Does anyone NOT watch this movie come this time of year? I don’t KNOW Margo but it’s quotable as fuck, it’s some how family friendly while simultaneously being wildly inappropriate and has Randy Quaid shouting “THE SHITTER’S FULL!” while emptying a septic tank in a robe with a beer in hand. If you have ever been stuck with a house full of family at Christmas and you DON’T relate to this movie then I don’t even know what your life is like. Mele Kalikimaka, it’s time for Christmas Vacation!
A Very Murray Christmas (2015)
Back again for day 13 after taking a couple years off is this strange Netflix Christmas special starring Bill Murray. It takes place during a horrible storm that leaves Mr. Murray and his ragtag gang of celebrity guest stars alone in a hotel bar with no power and a slew of holiday standard they can’t NOT sing. Gorgeously directed by Sofia Coppola this bizarre little Christmas special came out of nowhere and faded from the zeitgeist before it got its chance to stake claim on internet lists of holiday viewing. I mean, accept this one ‘cause here it is. Stop trying to make sense of it all, it’s a very Murray Christmas for god’s sake.
Community – S03E10 – Regional Holiday Music (2011)
Day 14 keeps the musical notes going at Greendale Community College where the study group is being pulled into glee club one by one, Invasion of The Body Snatchers style by Mr. Rad who wants them to join when the last glee club is institutionalized after receiving a cease and desist letter from ASCAP for using copyrighted music in their routines. Will Abed realize what is happening before the Christmas pageant or will the study group become the new permanent glee club? The songs are hilarious, the cast is brilliant and I REALLY think they’re a shoe in for regionals. Either way, do yourself a favor and enjoy some regional holiday music.
A Muppet Family Christmas (1987)
Day 15 gives you some Tuesday feel good viewing with the entire Muppet family. Yes, The Muppet Show troup, Sesame Street Gang and Fraggles all find their way to Fozzie Bear’s mother’s house for a good old fashioned Christmas vacation full of holiday music, life lessons and tender moments sure to melt the heart of even the most cynical of Lunatics… I’m looking at you Alfred. POINT IS it’s everything you need in the beginning of the week to help get you through it. So warm up some hot chocolate and keep your eyes peeled for the Jim Henson cameo ‘cause it’s time for a Muppet Family Christmas.
A Garfield Christmas (1987)
On to humpday for day 16 where the original grumpy cat, Garfield, is visiting what appears to be John’s backwater inbred family… but they mean well…. I think. ANWAY, the songs are passable, the animation level is 80’s TV and Garfield as always couldn’t care less. Will John’s country folk family be able to warm Garfield’s heart and make amends with John’s new city life or will it end in a bloodbath by the hands of the cat? Spoilers, it’s not the second one. Be sure to keep the christmas feast far from reach because Garfield is on his way and he’s always hungry.
Christmas Chronicles (2018)
Day 17 brings the bat shit with this Kurt Russel lead Santa movie that’s only two years old but has made a mark and led to a sequel but let’s stick to this one. Let’s be honest, the script is just a shade better than a Hallmark Channel original but damn it if Kurt Russel’s John Wayne-esk Santa performance doesn’t elevate it to more than it really is. The effects are actually pretty good, the score is epic for no reason and Santa breaks out in a blues musical number whilst in a jail cell. It makes no sense and the fact that it even exists is beyond my comprehension but it’s the holidays and you can’t understand christmas without going through the chronicles.
Die Hard (1988)
That’s right, it’s day 18 and it’s time to return to Nakatomi Plaza where John McClane is crashing the party crashers in this Christmas classic about the things one does for love and family… like murder. If you’re one of these Die Hard deniers who says this isn’t a Christmas movie, PLEASE don’t @ me, but you’re a sad little human that wouldn’t know the Christmas spirit if it shot you between the eyes and I feel SORRY for you. For the rest of you, enjoy Bruce Willis’s career making performance and Alan Rickman in one of his MANY iconic roles. Ho Ho Ho, now I have a gun too, it’s time for Die Hard!
Moving on to the back end of our list with day 19 with your fourth fix of VML Christmas tradition and my PERSONAL favorite Christmas movie of ALL TIME… Gremlins. Look, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again and again and again. But it just isn’t Christmas until I watch Mrs. Peltzer, armed with a kitchen knife, hacking away at Gremlin bodies as ‘Do You Hear What I Hear’ plays in the background and green blood splatters out of a blender. You know this already but it cannot be stressed enough. ANYWAY, keep them away from water and out of your electronics ‘cause the Gremlins are here and they are taking over the town.
On to Day 20 where we find the OTHER famous mythical character of the season. No, not jesus. The other one. See what happens is this dysfunctional family holiday gets interrupted when the youngest son accidentally summons a demon to their home. Will they make it out alive or are they doomed to pay for their crimes against the season? It’s smart, unexpected and with a cast featuring Toni Collette, Adam Scott and David Koechner this Christmas horror comedy is a delightful surprise that will make you laugh as it makes you scream. Keep an eye out for murderous gingerbread men, THE KRAMPUS IS COMING TO KILL US ALL!
Futurama – S03E03 – A Tale of Two Santas (2000)
For the final Monday of our list, day 21 takes us to the future for A Tale of Two Santas where the Planet Express gang are being made to deliver children’s letters to the murderous robot Santa’s death fortress on Neptune. But after seeing the horrible conditions the Neptunian elves are living in the gang concocts a plan to have Bender switch places with Santa in the hopes of giving the people of earth an actual merry christmas. So fuel up the spaceship and start thinking of logical paradoxes ‘cause the future is here and Christmas came with it.
Doctor Who – S09 – Last Christmas (2017)
Keeping the Sci-fi Christmas action going on day 22 with The 12th Doctor, Peter Capaldi, who happens to be my second favorite Doctor. This Doctor Who Christmas special featuring Nick Frost as Santa mixes the cheer of the holidays with all the facehugger love of the Alien franchise in this story of a siege, on a base, in the north pole. If The Doctor and Father Christmas can stop arguing long enough they might just be able to defeat the Kantrofarri dream crabs threatening to ruin Christmas. Chuck the tangerines and start up the TARDIS because it’s time to save Christmas FROM ALIENS!
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
Back for another year is the returning favorite sci-fi 60’s shit show that is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. A Christmas special that can only be explained by the notion that someone told the writer that there was a science fiction component to the story and he ran FUCKING WILD. The ships are made from cardboard PVC pipe, the Martian’s hats are clearly bike helmets with shit glued on them and I swear I love this movie. So clear up your Wednesday night and pray for wisdom from Chochem The Ancient One because Santa is conquering the Martians and he’s using the Christmas spirit.
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
So here we are again. Day 24. Christmas eve. The kids are in bed. Dinner is long since over and in grand VML tradition, you are as high as a bird’s dick. There’s only one thing left to do… celebrate Life Day. I personally watch this every Christmas eve. It’s like a reward for making it this far. A nice, strange, mind boggling night on Kashyyyk. Where the Wookies speak Shyriiwook with NO subtitles. Where Mark Hamil is slathered in pancake makeup, Carrie Fisher is as high as me and Harrison Ford is looking for the nearest exit. Throw in the first appearance of Boba Fett, virtual porn program Diahann Carroll and Jefferson Starship singing into what can only be described as a glowing dildo. Keep the weed flowing free and let yourself be taken away to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All (2008)
Friday the 25th! You’ve made it to christmas day and VictorMoranLive tradition dictates that you give yourself the greatest gift of all. A Colbert Christmas. For many years me and mine have spent our Christmas day gathered around the TV as we watch Stephen Colbert, Willie Nelson, Toby Keith, John Legend, Elvis Costello, Feist, John Stewart, Santa Claus and a giant murderous bear wrap up the holiday season. The songs are original and brilliant. The effects are purposely crappy and every year I love it more and more. It just wouldn’t feel like Christmas day without it and seeing as we’re four years deep in doing this programming, I hope you feel the same.
So that’s it. We survived 2020 AND the 25 days of Christmas programming. So what did you think? Do you like THIS year’s program better than the prior years? Click right here to check out our older programming and if you have any suggestions for next year or just wanna live react as you watch along you can find me on all social media @VictorMoranLive so feel free to follow, like, subscribe, etc. Look forward to hearing from you all.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS LUNATICS!
programmed & wirtten by Victor Moran
edited by Jackie Lopez